Major Life Update!

I have a happy and exciting news of love!

This is the part when I get to do a giddy dance and a head bang at the same time!

Or not really! But I did celebrate, more or less into a happy dance! haha


Well, well, as this blog post's a major life update!!!


#Frenchieatpinay are engaged!!!


It happened during Frenchie's recent trip to Brazil last month. (I had to take some time to keep this engagement, more or less within my inner circle first, before I am now announcing it to cyber world.) There are some things, like engagement that needed some time to just be a personal, private, special moment. And Instagram story doesn't count! haha

Also because we had a death in the family. My Tatay's (father) eldest brother died on just the same weekend as this engagement. :( So I opted to mourn him than celebrate this engagement, so to speak.


As most of you know, #Frenchieatpinay are very much in a long-distance-relationship and if there's any way we were able to pull off our relationship this long--- almost five years now, it is really because of our travel mileage! haha

Kidding aside, it really is because we're just perfect for each other. Awww. I don't think I could find someone like him. And he couldn't resist someone like me. End of story. :D


Well, honestly I pressured him to propose.

And I'm not kidding. Here's the thing. I'm not a desperate girl who wanted so badly for an engagement ring. BUT, Frenchie and I have been long talking about of getting married and making everything proper since I came to live in Brazil. The fact is, we were already looking into the paper works of it all, because eventually I will have to move to France with him. I even wrote my dilemma about it. Because in this day and age, interracial marriages are still a loooonggggg process to do. 

Somehow my girly side told me that if we really have to do everything properly, he has to propose and give me a ring. So yeah, I did pressure him. ;)


So I always know at the back of my head that on his visit to Brazil, he's going to propose. I just don't know when. There was even a moment when he gave me a small wooden box, and I thought it was that. But nah, he was just being cute!

For weeks, we traveled to the south of Brazil, even crossed Paraguay and Argentina, went to Salvador, spent several days in Vitoria, made a short trip to Santa Tereza--- and he didn't show any gestures of "popping the question".

It was on an unguarded moment, when in the private space of our hotel room in Rio de Janeiro, on a Saturday morning, on his last full day in Brazil before going back to France, while I was dressing up for a long day of excursion in the city--- he calmly told me he wanted to give my (late) birthday present.

At that time, all my expectations were not hinting of a proposal.

I honestly thought it was just his sweet act of giving me my birthday (in March) gift. He gave me a wrapped gift in blue--- my favorite color, and I giddily opened it. The gift was Elizabeth Gilbert's book: Big Magic. It's the book that I mentioned to him that I wanted to read (and buy).

When I opened the first few pages, I noticed the heart cutouts, and that was really the moment when it dawned on me what was happening!

Then I saw the ring in the book. My eyes started to be teary-eyed, and Frenchie said, "Wait, you need a bookmark to read it." And I was like, "How can I read this when it has cutouts?!" I kind of laughed and then he showed me the bookmark...


So lo and behold, in his sweetest gesture and full Frenchie cuteness, he asked me if I wanted to marry him...

And I said YES!!!

I loved it!!! Because it was soo him. It was soo us. The "bookmark" had a back story to our first trip to Paris. And it has something to do with my all time favorite French movie, AmelieSo all the details are very personal and well thought. Nothing grand. Just us, two. And I love, love, love it!


We have not set any wedding dates yet. Because again, it's going to be a loooongggg, arduous process at the time being. It will most likely depend on the accomplishments of paper works and requirements! #interracialpassports

And oh, I'm staying for another FULL year in Brazil, so that's also another thing to consider, when it comes to planning the wedding. I have a feeling this is going to be a long engagement. Haha.

For now, I'm just taking it one day at a time. Frenchie and I always have a Bob Marley mantra that has kept us sane in our LDR madness: "Baby don't worry, about a thing. Because every little thing's gonna be alright."

That really keeps me feel relieved. ;)

Side note: How does a boyfriend "know" his girlfriend's ring size, if he's trying a surprise proposal?!? In the movies or in engagement videos, the ring always seem to fit perfectly. Mine was one size bigger, so Frenchie has to give it back and have it customized to my tiny finger size.




Would I Love Living In France?

When we have to choose between love and career, what's the best answer?

This has been my dilemma for the past few months now. I honestly thought that when I get to this point, the answer would be an easy one. But I was wrong. I still don't have an answer to this.

And I literally have to give my decision to my boss at the end of this month, if I wanted to stay in Brazil for another year or not.

I'm really trying to weigh in my reasoning: if I'm just trying to make excuses, or if I'm just not ready to settle down, or if I don't want to move to Europe.

Today, Frenchie and I spent the whole day talking about ALL the possibilities of our future, specifically my move to France sometime soon. It was a tough one for the both of us. I mainly have to blame our passport differences, of course, my third-world-passport is going to make it even more complicated for us. 

I wish things are really easier said than done, but we're two individuals that continue to support each other's dreams no matter what. Aside from visa slash passport problem is our main concern, it's somehow deeper for me...

The thing is, I don't think I would really be happy living in France. That's from own point of view.

Don't get me wrong. I have dreamed of living in Europe as far as I can remember. When most people from my country dreamed of the American dream, I didn't join that bandwagon. Europe became my favorite continent because of their culture and history. That's why I dated mostly European men in my 20s because I wanted to settle down in Europe eventually. Wink. Wink. 

Then things (kind of) changed when I finally got myself into France. I saw, tasted, breathe, and experienced Europe for the very first time, and I was kind of disappointed. (I'm still actually having a hard time writing my France travel experience simply because I can't get around of what to write.)

To say the least--- I wasn't smitten, unlike most people. And that's what I'm so afraid of. Will I end up loving living in France or not?!

Coming from Asia and having lived in South America, I was so used to a culture so welcoming, so open, so warm, so happy, so relaxing, so carefree, so engaging, so friendly, so generous, so family-centered, and so spiritual.

And somehow, I feel that I will never get that in Europe. Am I wrong? Am I just overly thinking? Or am I a prejudice?

I, of course had a GREAT time when I was there. But it's really different when you're just visiting or being touristy. It'll be a completely different ball game once you start living a life there.

I'm afraid that it'll be like living in the US once again. I was borderline depressed when I lived there. I felt like I don't belong in the sense of their community. But to be fair, I really never wanted to live in the US on the first place, so that made me miserable from the very start.

This time around the problem is, Frenchie would be assigned in the outskirt of Paris, far from his family and friends. I would have to deal with finding a job which will take sometime, learning French which I really HAVE to, and hopefully be able to make new friends which I pray wouldn't be too hard. I know I've done this many times before, when I chose a nomadic life. But I've never really done a HUGE move for a guy. My nomadic choices were primarily my own decisions, so to speak.

Honestly, adjusting and adapting to a new city or environment

was never a problem to me.

Somehow though, France is giving me a different vibe that I can't seem to fathom. I don't know what it is. And I hope I'm wrong with all of my assumptions. I hope I will have the best time of my life in France just like how Julia Child has made hers. 

Maybe I will make her my spirit animal on this difficult decision making in my life. She seems to have been on the same shoes as I'll be. 

But then again, how do I get to walk away from a career I love (maybe for a year) and also be with the man I love?

Because when I walked away from teaching for a year and a half when I left China for good, I didn't feel like I was doing something noteworthy for myself, although I was traveling and discovering the world. I realized then, that as an individual, we need to be doing something that is giving us a purpose and that we are really making an impact. 

For me, teaching is what I live for, every waking day of my life! Just to make it clear, it would mean that when I move to France, I have to wait for everything to be legal (on my end) in order to apply for a job, and hopefully, it wouldn't be too difficult to find a Preschool English teaching job. And the way we look at it, it'll be at least a year to wait.

Has anyone been on this situation as me? How was your decision making?

The Art of Letting Go


A poem written by Consrael.

To all those who have loved and lost...

It's over. He's gone. 

Why do we have to part while
the love is still there? 
Why do we have to suffer? 
Why do we have to cry when
somebody bids goodbye? 
Why do beginnings have an end? 
Why do we have to meet
only to lose in the end? 

There are questions left unanswered, 
words left unsaid, letters left unread, 
poems left undone, songs left unsung, 
love left unexpressed, 
promises left unfulfilled. 

In a relationship, 
one of the hardest things to do
is saying goodbye and letting go. 
It is as hard as breaking a crystal
because you'll never know when you
will be able to pick up the pieces again. 
More often than not, they who go, 
feel not the pain of parting: 
it is they who stay behind that suffer, 
because they are left
with memories of a love
that was meant to be, 
a love that was. 

At the beginning and at the end
of a relationship, 
we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. 
Unfair as it may seem, 
but that's the way love goes. 
That's the drama, the bittersweet
and the risk of falling in love. 
After all, nothing is constant but change. 
Everything will eventually come to its end
without us knowing when, 
without us knowing how, 
without us even knowing why. 
And we must forget not because we have to
but because we have to. 

In letting go, sorrows come
not as a single spy but in battalion. 
It seems that everywhere you go, 
everything you do, 
every song you hear, 
every turn of your head, 
every move of your body, 
every beat of your heart, 
every blink of your eye and every breath
you take always reminds you of him. 
It's like a stab of a knife, 
a torture in the night. 
Funny how the whole world
becomes depopulated
when only one person is missing. 
Just imagine, 
there are billions people on earth
and yet it seems you feel lonely
and empty without the other. 

I don't know if it's worth calling an art, 
but letting go entails
special skills sparkled
with a considerable space and time. 
Time heals all wounds but it takes
a little push on our part. 
Acceptance plays a part. 
Not all love stories end with
"...and they live happily ever after." 

Sometimes we have to part because of
circumstances beyond our control. 
We have to suffer if it would
mean happiness for others. 
We have to cry to
temporarily let go of the pains. 
Every beginning has its end
like every dawn has its dusk. 
It's something we can't control, 
something we had to live up. 

It's over. 
He's gone. But life has to go on. 
Goodbye doesn't always mean forever. 
There will always be a place and time
where questions will be answered, 
words will be spoken, 
letters will be read, 
poems will be recited in the night, 
songs will be sung in harmony, 
love will be expressed in solitude and
promises will be fulfilled. 
Somewhere. Somehow. Someday.

Have you mastered the art of letting go?